Just a fictional character
by Hella Jelena
Summary: Me and my favourite character are talking about fanfiction. Warning: Quite silly


**Just a fictional character**

- "Nnn-duh!"

"What?"

- "I'm done."

"With what?"

- "All of this. Please, don't let me appear in any of your so called FF, again!"

"What? Why not?"

- "Because it's ridiculous. And it _hurts_!"

"Not really. I mean it's just fiction!"

- "Ah. There's one problem."

"Like what?"

- "_I'm_ just fiction, too."

"I see what you mean."

- "Of course it also depends on you."

"What does?"

- "The pain. The hurt. Why don't you write about something more _pleasant_?"

"Yeah. You know, I've been asking myself this same question. And I think I _am_ writing about something pleasant. It's not the hurt I like so much. It's what follows after it, the comfort. I think that's adorable. Sweet. I'm kinda addicted to it."

- "You _don't_ _say_! Why don't you just write about the _comfort_ stuff, then? Leave out the hurt?"

"You can't have comfort without hurt!"

- "Why not?"

"What's the _point_? I mean you have to have some kind of a _plot_! Create a reason for the comfort bit. Make it logical."

- "My god. I hate that word."

"I know."

- "You, Missy, don't know anything. I'm really tired of being shot at, sick, depressed, raped ..."

"_Mind_ raped. I don't write non-con. That's too cruel, even for me. I must admit though, I've read some that were wonderful. There are really talented writers out there that are mature and sensitive enough to ..."

- "_You_ are sick!"

"I know. Do _you_ know a good doctor?"

- "Funny. It seems _I'm_ a pretty good doctor. At least when I'm not a traumatized, sobbing wreck, who needs to be rocked to sleep in my captain's arms, or, even more humiliating: by that green-blooded smart-ass Vulcan."

"Humiliating? Maybe. But I always thought it showed how much you mean to both of them. How much they value and cherish everything that is you."

- "So, _that's_ the message you want to convey?"

"I don't know. Yeah, I think so."

- "I've a story idea for you."

"Yeah?"

- "McCoy is lying on a sunbed on a beach on Risa. With a cocktail in his hand. There are beautiful women, maybe some music, … I don't know, _you're_ the writer, but you get the general atmosphere?"

"Yes. McCoy is enjoying himself. We see him as a guy who knows what fun is. Also, he's attracting the women, acting as a counterbalance for Kirk. I mean it's unfair _he_ gets all the women, isn't it?"

- "Exactly. Between us, I think he could lose some weight, don't you?"

"Hmm. I didn't think you noticed. I mean, I've read the occasional Kirk/McCoy, but I've always seen you more go for Spock. Although I only write Gen, there's Slash out there that really had me ..."

- "_Jesus_. Now, do you want to hear more about this story, or not?"

"Okay, go on."

- "Good. So, there's Bones at the beach."

"So, now it's _Bones_?"

- "Huh?"

"Bones. McCoy, doctor, Leonard. I never know how to call you."

- "I don't _care_! As long as you put me on that sunbed on the Risan beach!"

"Alright. I have the picture in my mind."

- "Good. So, one of the women is giving McCoy a backrub."

"Good, good. He relaxes, smiles to himself. Finally there's some rest and relaxation after those strenuous past months."

- "Now you're getting it!"

"And then one of the women pulls out an ice-pickle and stabs you in the back."

- "What? Nononono."

"She falls to the floor, dead, and you're arrested for murder?"

- "Why? What? That does not ..."

"You get an anaphylactic shock from one of the cocktails?"

- "No!"

"A really bad sunburn?"

- "_Listen_ to me!"

"Sorry."

- "Kirk comes along and says: _Hey, doc_ ..."

"_Bones_! Jim calls you _Bones_!"

- "Would you listen? So, he says: Bones, _you're my best friend_ ..."

"Well, that's tricky! Don't make that mistake!"

- "What?"

"Best friend. It's a word Jim should use very cautiously. What about Spock? I mean, if he calls McCoy his best friend, then that would mean he likes him more than Spock."

- "He does."

"Does not."

- "Does too."

"Kirk, McCoy and Spock have this amazing bond, this triumvirate, this wonderful friendship going on. No one has a _best_ friend here, They're _all _best friends. My god, I can't believe you said that!"

- "You wrote yourself, that Spock and Kirk would always protect _McCoy_ first. Need I really quote that to you?"

"You didn't understand! That's because he's a healer. He can't defend himself."

- "Oh? So now I'm a little wuss, too?"

"Nononono. You got it all _wrong_! Did you really _read_ my fanfics? You're one of the most heroic people ever! You're brave, strong, but also vulnerable."

- "You're now quoting one of your reviewers."

"You read the reviews?"

- "I've got nothing else to do, do I?"

"You should read them more carefully. I mean they're wonderful aren't they? They understand my stories, my thoughts, my ideas. It always brightens my day when ..."

- "Oh _please._ These people are as sick as _you_ are. And they're buttering you up to no end."

"Hey! Stop insulting these wonderful people!"

- "Fine. So, on to this story. Are you still interested or what?"

"Okay. So, Captain James T. Kirk walks up ..."

- "He never calls himself that. He hates his stupid middle name. I mean, no wonder, _Tiberius_. That's even more ridiculous than Horatio."

"Which was the name of Hamlet's loayal friend. I think it fits you."

- "Oh, _Shakespeare_. Right."

"What? Shakespeare survived until our times. That's almost 500 years! Don't you think ..."

- "396 to be exact."

"Okay, whatever, 396. Don't you think he'll survive the next 200 years as well? And don't you think Kirk would be educated enough to ..."

- "No."

"Ts. You have no idea about Star Trek. Shakespeare is actually an important part of Trek."

- "Maybe. But I doubt _The Simpons_ are, or _McGiver_."

"Mc_Gyver_. Well, I like _The Simpsons_. And they also have existed for a long time now. So, why wouldn't you future people know about them?"

- "What about that story?"

"Yes, okay. I'm listening."

- "Right, Jim says: _Bones_, you're my _second_ best friend, and ..."

"NO! _Second_ best?"

- "... _Bones_, you're my best friend, as well as Spock, although that doesn't work, but we'll leave Spock to figure out the logic, and we all three have this weird triumvirate going on, and ..."

"And?"

- "... and I wanted to say: _I love you_."

"?"

- "Then they hug, and drink a Martini together."

"Are you serious?"

- "Yes. You don't like it? Well, of course Spock comes a moment later, too, or maybe they come together in the first place. And Spock says: _Doctor_, that's how my other best friend calls me, isn't it? He says: _Doctor, I also love you. Let's have a drink together and enjoy ourselves_. Then we do."

"That totally sucks!"

- "Why?"

"I don't even know where to start. Spock would never talk like that. He doesn't drink alcohol ..."

- "You have _no_ idea, darling, ..."

"And that just sounds weird. I mean, … why would they tell Bones they love him?"

- "Don't they?"

"Well, _yes_. But ..."

- "They would tell him then. Especially considering how dangerous life is for McCoy. He could die a horrible death any moment. And they would simply not take the chance of never having told him how much he means to them."

"Sfsts."

- "What?"

"Forget it. This is _my _imagination. You are just a fictional character. And now ..."

- "Now what?"

"Go away! I have to tell someone how much I love him."


End file.
